[comPiler]

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WANT, THEY SAY
20 November 2012, 9:39 am

Because you could get it. I wanted to be free. I wanted to climb. I wanted to end a relationship that wasn't satisfying me anymore. Now I am free. Now I can climb. Now I've ended that relationship.

And I am not happy. I wanted to get more climbing, and now I don't even feel like climbing (almost). I am scared, I fear that I won't fall in love again. Everything I made during the hard times with my girlfriend, seems to be mistakes. I woulda, I coulda, I shoulda. Too late.

But while I'm here at home, translating a new book, I hear the voice of the old couple living upstairs. She's vacuuming the floor, as she does every morning. She's talking with the cleaning lady that helps her clean the house, every day. Her husband is downstairs in the garage, putting the car in, then taking it out, putting things in the car, then taking them out. As he does every day. They complain about the neighbours, they complain about the parking spots, they complain about the dog, the cat, about everything. They are perfect. We, the rest of the world, are not. But maybe we are truly alive. We suffer, but we also laugh. We find ourselves alone, but we know that at least we've really been together for some time. One of my biggest fears, during the hard days, was to find myself and my girlfriend, in ten or twenty years, still the same; still unsatisfied, still in a crisis, but still together, used to that all. Turned insensible. I remember the buzz I got when I fell in love. It was more a hammer in the head, to be honest. I think that being with her without that buzz, without that hammer hitting my head, wasn't worth it. I think that splitting up was the only thing we could do to save our other relatioship, as two humans that shared a lot of love. It's something that we owed to our story, in some sense.

It hurts like hell. We fight the pain. We speak. I train. I try not to think too much about this all. It's life. I keep the fucking faith. The blind faith.        

Source: TOTOLORE

[shark]

Bummer

 

[robertostallioni]

don't bummer.

[comPiler]

MOVING ON
26 November 2012, 4:07 pm







 Some good moments with good friends, for once no need to use a timer on the camera.  

Pictures courtesy of James Pearson, Caroline Ciavaldini, Tommy Ferri.  

I don't want that last post to stay there, on the front spot for too long, so I'll tell you something new. I decided to go back to school. Recently I've been a bit disappointed by the teaching, not in terms of human relationships or students' results (I know that by teaching to students now I pay the price of my past being a terrible student and making teachers go mad... talk about Karma...), but in terms of personal research. I am a bit stuck under that point of view. So, with the precious help of a few beloved ones, notably Valentina (always present despite our separation), Andrea (my brother, friend and first climbing teacher and mentor) and Domenico I found the mental energy to enter a Master in Research Techniques, Security and Criminology at one of Rome universities. It's a year long course, and I will follow it via e-learning, with a few seminars that I'll be more than happy to attend. Criminology was the subject of my second degree, Forensic Medicine being the subject of my first degree. I really want to give a push to my neurons, and to put the basis for something different in the future. I am not thinking to any kind of job in particular - it's not easy to work as a criminologist - but I'm sure that this new formation will open new possibilities; I would really like to collaborate with some specialized magazine, or maybe to get involved with some research institute that I've found out here in Siena. Still the last days, I thought about starting again, next year, my lawyer's practice period, this time completing it, unlike twelve years ago... The long term goal is to finally try and pass the exam that enables to the lawyer's profession. Penal law is what is in the target.

Climbing wise, I also took a few important decisions. I realized that I went a little bit too far, things got complicated, and I lost some of the pleasure. I found again this pleasure in the company of good people, and I decided that I don't want to go anymore on my own. I will go climbing when I will find a good bunch of psyched people, or just a good friend. Gone will be the days of long drives on my own to go and train at the roof. I basically did everything I wanted to, close to here, and I can't try new things on my own because I need spotters and pads, so I will keep training here at home, driving only to go to new places or problems with someone I like to spend time with. I've been climbing a couple of times recently in a good company, and it's been simply great. I spent a very nice day in Amiata, still on problems that I've done many times, but this time having a lot more fun. Many of these problems are not very well known, so showing them to people and seeing their good reactions is a real gift to me; plus, I gather some magic energy from others, and I feel a beast. I probably just like to show off. I managed to steal a couple of days in Chironico, also. I went with a friend from Siena, and I really enjoyed myself. The last time I'd been there it was October 2011, my life was very different ant I got 34°... This time temps were much cooler and despite - again - mostly climbing at usual sectors and repeating old things, I managed to finally try "Souvenir", a problem that I've always liked. On my first go I found myself at the sloper under the pocket, not knowing what to do. With some other climbers I tried their sequence and quickly climbed it in two halves. Miracle. Then I didn't have enough left to put it together and on the second day we didn't go there. I will climb it next time. I also finally tried "Dr. Med Dent", another problem that I've been wanting to do for ages. I messed up the sequence a little bit, then with the help of a nice couple from Sheffield and my friend, a new foot placement came out and I quickly got to the left hand rail, the one that lies 30 cm under the top; there I got suddenly scared and bailed. Yes, I jumped down. Ahah, can you believe it? I can't believe it myself. I am happy because I felt I have a very big margin on the problem, but disappointed by the fear of falling and getting injured. These things are the result of a) past injuries and b) too much solitary climbing. I'll go there again to finish it. Later on the second day I climbed "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner" falling on the last move on the flash and doing it second go, and then linked it starting from "Arabald" and moving right. It's a nice link and it adds a few burly moves, namely two very long, shoulder-wrenching lock offs to gain the big holds of the original problem. Back home now, back to work, with its bitter taste. I have many things to keep me busy and sometimes I feel recovered. I know that I am not alone. I keep the blind faith.          

Source: TOTOLORE

[andy_e]

Is this what Lowrider looks like after a diet?

Good words beast. Keep strong.

[Monolith]

Lo, I'm really pleased to hear of these trips. Make the next trip northwards! 

[SA Chris]

Yup, a looooong way northwards! Good luck with the plans.

Nib, if you don't mind me asking, I've often wondered how old you are?

[Nibile]

Thanks guys, it's a daily fight.
I am close to 41.

[SA Chris]

A mere youth then!

[Nibile]

Ah, thanks!!! I wish I were!!!
The age I perceive fluctuates between 16 and 95 these days... 

[comPiler]

SWISS SWEETNESS
6 December 2012, 2:40 pm







Pictures courtesy of Filo.  

I went back to Chironico during the past weekend, with my friend Filo. It's been good, finally with cool weather for a change!!! One of the sectors I always go back to is "Paese", with the "Souvenir" boulder always in my sights. This time, though, despite quickly doing "Souvenir" in two halves with the new sequence, I found myself under a nearby problem that I had always looked with reverence and never tried: "Komilator". It's amazing, why did I wait so long to try it? It's very simple: because it's hard, it's very crimpy, it's not exactly a short man's problem and finally because of its final dyno with the incredible swing out from the pads and down in the wood (if you don't slam into the tree). Moreover, to try hard things on my own while with other climbers is not something that I love to do, so when Filo showed interest for this five moves beauty, I quickly forgot about the other problem and was more than happy to try this other Fred Nicole's testpiece. The moves went without too hassle, but not without some good commitment. The second move, the one to the left hand crimp, is long for someone like me, and it took me a few goes to sort out a good sequence after trying matching on the rail and various feet placements. The heel hook sequence was immediately fine, and even better when I found a small but higher placement for my left foot. Then I didn't know what to do. The jump to the jug was out of question for me, too scary and too dynamic for my ability. I tried to squeeze harder - something that often pays dividends - and get the good hold further left; but then what? Still the jump? Right hand to the gaston arete? Finally, I don't even remember how, I found myself cutting loose on those two holds, holding the swing, placing the left heel next to the left hand, and getting easily the top. Success. Now it was only time to put it together, but the second move was still a very low percentage one, like a 0% one. The snow was falling, we were trying hard and everything was fine, apart from not climbing the problem. Filo, despite having spent the last months climbing 8a and 8b routes from Spain to Italy, left me completely speechless by getting immediately close to this boulder problem. Really really impressive, I got scared thinking about him climbing the problem and leaving me all alone there, thinking that I was the boulderer!!! Anyway we (he) got close, but we also got tired, cold and had to walk back to the car by headlamps. Great day. The following morning, despite some good sleep preceded by a ton of food in a Sicilian fast food/take away in Biasca, we were thrashed. Aching aching aching. That's what boudering in good, cold conditions does to you! We warmed up with therabands in the sun at the campsite, then we set off. I was tired and insecure about what I should do. We weren't even sure if we were going to try again the problem, despite Antihydral our fingers were very worked! With a relaxed athmosphere we warmed up gently, then we moved to "Komilator": at that point, while going for a pee, I suddenly felt different. My hands were warm, my skin was hard and dry, and my body felt powerful and ready. It was time. I was sure I was going to do it. I sat down and I rehearsed. I climbed it in my mind and then moved. I fell on the second move. Damn. I didn't get distracted by this fact, and I forgot about it in a second. I went again. The right hand hold, the good rail, was still a bit black and didn't feel good, but I did not care. Left heel, then fire to the crimp. I got it not perfectly, but I kept moving on. Right toe, left toe, squeeze, right heel. I was bolted to the holds. The right had crimp seemed a lot closer than the previous day and I was super solid. I heard Filo saying something like "Forte, forte!" and I got the left hand hold on the left, then I cut loose. "Merda!" I shouted, when my right foot brushed the pad, because it distracted me and I thought I was going to fall. Nope. I stayed there, Filo said something that I did not understand nor hear, then I heel hooked and toped out. I watched down, and Filo smiled. Then I stood there for a while, with my legs trembling. I could barely walk down. It was done. Despite the brushed pad, I had no doubts about my ascent. I really have to thank my friend Filo. I could climb the problem because he was firstly super psyched to go to Chironico, and secondly super psyched to try it and to give everything in order to do it. For many, this problem could be something trivial. Something just worth a flash go. For me it was not. It was a change, for a start. A change from plastic pulling and for the usual style of problems that I climb or try. A surprise. Now I feel that I need to have more of these surprises in my life. Surprises in my climbing and surprises in the rest of my life, a big part that has been overlooked for too long. I need to focus on my profession, to make it better; I need to focus on relationships, because the solitary life isn't fun; I need to be complete again.      



Source: TOTOLORE

[Doylo]

Nice one Beastio. Classic Nicole tick!

[Monolith]

Excellent work beast! I bet you locked each of those holds to your toes as always. Keep it coming!

[Sasquatch]

Awesome Work!  Looks a beauty. 

It was a change, for a start. A change from plastic pulling and for the usual style of problems that I climb or try. A surprise. Now I feel that I need to have more of these surprises in my life. Surprises in my climbing and surprises in the rest of my life, a big part that has been overlooked for too long. I need to focus on my profession, to make it better; I need to focus on relationships, because the solitary life isn't fun; I need to be complete again.

Change is good

[comPiler]

A LOT OF...
11 January 2013, 3:21 pm

A lot of time passed since my last entry, and a lot of things happened, mostly inside my mind. After finding myself in a completely new situation, I found out I needed change. The first change is that I quit climbing. It's over. The second change is that I started seeing a nice girl. The third change is that I started looking for new a new job.

So, I think I sould give you more details. The climbing. The climbing is simply over. My obsession for it had a big part during my recently finished relationship, and I had to readdress my priorities. Climbing wasn't giving my anymore the joy it used to, it had morphed into a selfish, obsessive/compulsive behaviour that clearly emerges in many posts like this one. I wanted to get rid of this beast, and I did. I didn't really quit climbing, as you can imagine. But I did get rid of the compulsiveness of it. I stopped going training on rock despite being alone and despite conditions; I stopped the circular thinking that made me think about the evening session as my first thought in the morning (for real). I reduced the amount of training and most of all, I reduced the space that climbing and training occupied in my mind. Sometimes, I force myself and I do not train, despite wanting to. Because it feels like a form of... masturbation. For some time, it had all the distinguishing traits of real masturbation, like the isolation, the uselessness, the compulsivity and the self-satisfaction. I didn't want any more of that all. Now I still train, in small sessions, with no pressure, and almost everytime with someone else. Many times, if I'm alone, I just do some fingerboarding while doing other things. Strangely enough, in the last weeks the hardest projects on my board got climbed, some of them even retroflashed, and some others just hiked. Moreover, in one session I finally managed to climb all the sequence of my system wall on pinches, a feat that had been my goal for one year and half. Ten moves, from 1-1 matching every hold to 6-6 with bad feet. Each move feels as hard as they come. On another session I found myself easily dangling from the slopey pockets of my Beastmaker, front2, with 6 kg on. Before, I could barely hang them for a few seconds. This particular performance left me in shock and I quickly went to the bathroom to weigh myself: I was still the same as ever, I hadn't lost weight. Maybe that day my skin was particular wood-friendly, who knows.

So, I see a nice girl. And that's all you need to know, really.

And finally, the job. Many things changed. I realized that this kind of teaching isn't enough for me anymore, the human relation with the studens is still great but the subject isn't so broad that it allows a personal growth and research. So, with the help of a few beloved ones, during the holidays I started sending CV's around, searching for courses to increase my preparation as a teacher, and I finally decided to get back to my roots and start again the legal practice to become a lawyer. From next monday, I will be at school in Florence the mornings, then I'll get back home in Siena, change into a suit and go to a lawyer's firm to get my practice done. When not at school, I'll go in Court with my lawyer mentor to attend the trials and to learn how to stand in Court. Days will be long.

So, I have two parallel roads and I want to make the most of them: while completing the legal practice I will try and improve my teaching job; then, after completing the practice I'll be able to sustain the exam to become a lawyer; after passing the exam, I'll draw my conclusions and I'll see what I'll do.

This is the plan. Now I need a coffee, before going to the gym for some system training and for my climbing class. Because I quit, I told you.

Source: TOTOLORE

[Sasquatch]

I find that life ebbs and flows for all of us.  Like you, I am an obsessive type.  Something gets stuck in my brain and I have a compulsion to do it, regardless of enjoyment.   Thankfully I have an amazing and understanding partner who is able to bring me back from the edge before I fall, even when I don't see it.  It's not always easy, and not always nice, but we grow stronger each time. 

Good luck with the new view of life/climbing/job/etc!

And congrats on the Beastliness

[iain]

Good luck with the new view of life/climbing/job/etc!

And congrats on the Beastliness

 

[Nibile]

I didn't write everything in the blog, for a reason that I'll explain. Being quite easy to link the blog to my person, for anyone with basic Internet knowledge, I didn't feel like putting it there.
So, here's what I did not tell for fear of getting into troubles.

One of the main reasons of my recent change regarding my teaching job, is that my boss turned out to be completely out of his mind.
To cut a long story short, these are the facts.
He had a brief flirt with the girl I'm seeing now, during the summer. I only know that it went very bad and that he treated her very rudely, to the point of basically stalking ther with text messages and so on.
These bad vibes quickly got into the school, because she works there as well, and I started being very uncomfortable in the school when they were there, but didn't know anything.
Then my relationship ended and we started going out, just chatting or dining out, without any other implications.
Despite the boss's promises of stopping it, he continued harassing her with messages and very rude jokes in the school, even in front of me and other colleagues. She started feeling very bad and nearly left the job.
Soon enough, seeing that we used to talk together, go for a coffee and so on, he started thinking that we had a relationship - and at the time it wasn't true - becoming more and more obsessed with it.
Finally he acted: I was in the hall, and I had put my phone in charge on the desk. I had never left my phone before, but being present I thought it was sure. But... at some point I went into a nearby room to play some notes on the bass that's at school, and left the phone in charge. I played only for two or three minutes, then I went back and took my phone. I found it open on the text messages folder. It's an old phone and has no PIN code. I quickly understood that, being sure that I could not see him because he could hear me play in the other room, he searched to find whether she and I had something together from our messages. When I suddenly stopped playing he didn't have the time to put the phone back into the first screen.
He started grinning and immediately went out without a word. I went out as well, not wanting to believe what I had thought.
I phoned the girl explaining my suspects, and she was in tears. He had just sent her a message stripping her of one of her classes and therefore drastically reducing her income. He also menaced to fire her.
We tried to stay calm, and I was about to quit the job on the moment, but we hung tight. Over the holidays the stalking with messages - even at 4 am - continued, and she was close to call the police.
Now, apparently, things have settled and the madman is quite, but I am always hyper aware.
Of course the coward never spoke a word with me and is always - externally - super friendly.
That's why I want to quit the school. I can't wait to finally let him know that I know everything, and what I think about him.
Can you believe it?

[robertostallioni]

I'd have logged the stalking with the police, just so its on record, and had a chat with the head of the school explaining all the goings on.

[Nibile]

I'd have logged the stalking with the police, just so its on record, and had a chat with the head of the school explaining all the goings on.

We will inform the police after finding another school. He is the head of the school and the contrats we both have do not give us enough protection. We need to keep our jobs now. Moreover, if he goes under trial all our colleagues could lose the job because he is the head and only owner of the school, which would probably have to just close.

[Sasquatch]

I'd have logged the stalking with the police, just so its on record, and had a chat with the head of the school explaining all the goings on.

We will inform the police after finding another school. He is the head of the school and the contrats we both have do not give us enough protection. We need to keep our jobs now. Moreover, if he goes under trial all our colleagues could lose the job because he is the head and only owner of the school, which would probably have to just close.

Fuck, that's a bad situation...  I hope it works out. 

Don't know the law in Italy, but in the US you can log the stalking with the police without the person being notified.  That way if anything escalates, it's already on record. and the police know where to look first.  Stalking is a bad situation.

[comPiler]

GOING ON
17 February 2013, 12:15 pm

Again a lot of time since the last post. Even now, I don't know exactly what to write here: is this still a climbing related blog? I don't know. For sure  climbing has taken the backseat in this moment of my life, after being at the wheel for the last few years. I am understanding a lot. I realize that I could have used part of the energy I put into climbing to secure, for example, a better job. But I didn't do it, so I have to do it now. The main change, climbing wise, is that I don't force myself anymore. I am not a robot anymore. In the last weeks I've been going to school in the mornings and to the law firm in the afternoons, often until 8 p.m.; I had dropped my climbing classes, and my life revolved around work. I had become a robot once again. This time it was a working robot, but a robot nonetheless. So I decided that I needed to take the climbing classes back, and to fit a little bit of everything into my life. At the moment I am still focusing mainly on work, anyway, and many things are getting close to the crux: I have started thinking about the final thesis of my Criminology Master, I hopefully will get another book to translate into Italian (fingers crossed!), I have to attend a couple of courses to become an official examiner for those foreign students that need the official certificate of Italian as L2, and finally I'll have to teach how the Italian Penal Procedure works to a class of Mexican law students. All these different things often keeps me awake for a while at night, but it's all for good. Finally, I touched some wood and some rock. The wood was under the form of nice, medium sized campus rungs. At last we have decent rungs at the gym!!! The ones we had before were terrible, they were too slopey and downturned, with no catch at all, so doing big moves - for me - was close to impossible because I would always slip. Now, with the new ones, you can really pull down as a bastard. A thing that I did last Friday while coaching the girls on the system wall, doing a fantastic 1-5-8 that, with 23 cm spaced rungs, represents my absolute personal best. Yesterday, on the other hand, I shared a perfect day with a really good friend of mine and his girlfriend. Obviously we were at Chiesina, where I found myself really strong - courtesy of excellent conditions and excellent company - and nearly repeated my old project.

As you can imagine, all my climbing trips have been postponed, and the initial idea of another invasion of Britain this February will have to wait. I could be spending a few days in Swizzy with my good friend Filo, before he casts off to go and tech for a few months at a University in Sweden, but it's not sure. Anyway, I understood that if I follow my friends, everything is fine.

Finally, and this is really good news, especially for the few fortunate ones that had the chance to try it, the mighty "Trombicche" - my favourite tavern - closed. Why good news, you may ask. Because they sold and they reopened in a bigger place, that is absolutely fantastic. Come and see!  







Source: TOTOLORE

[comPiler]

BUS THOUGHTS
3 March 2013, 6:46 pm

I am sitting on the late bus to Florence, to sleep at The Guru's place and avoid waking up at six tomorrow morning. I went bouldering today, for the second day in a row, as usual at the Chiesina sector. I wasn't psyched at all, I wanted to go somewhere else and a friend of mine didn't, so I sacked it and we went there. Still feeling a bit disappointed by the balmy conditions and by my lack of skin, lack of training and lack of time, now, on the bus, it suddenly dawned to me that today I climbed the usual problems, but still I climbed 7a+, 7b, 7b+, 8a/+, 7c+/8a. I am really really puzzled.

Source: TOTOLORE

[a dense loner]

Nibs I'm a great believer that after you've done a problem a couple of times the grade becomes meaningless. I would say these problems are no longer the given grade for you they're just things you can climb cos your bodies used to them. For instance after doing say green traverse for the first couple of times you may say it doesn't feel hard any more, it doesn't cos you've spent x amount of time working it and your body remembers the nuances, even years later. Obviously time between getting back on the problem will vary the ease factor massively.

[Nibile]

That's absolutely true! Despite that, those grades are a bit strange in this moment of my life! Would be nice to test my condition somewhere else, on new problems, to see how differently I perform.