[tomtom]

As theres c.100 000 new cases this week, does anyone know someone who has or has had it? Any experiences to share? I'll kick things off as both my parents have had it for 5-7 days... like a bad cold was their description...

[GCW]

The problem now is that the symptoms are so vague, anyone can be "diagnosed" as having Swine Flu.  I suspect a fair proportion of people haven't got it, but are being treated presumptively.

[dave]

I suspect "swine flu" is being used as a kind of badge of honour by hypochondriacs at the moment.

[Jaspersharpe]

Yeah a friend of my Mrs was ill last week and as they wouldn't test her and just told her to stay indoors she has no idea if she had swine flu or some other flu type illness. From the symptoms it sound like it was probably the latter but who knows?! The whole thing seems to have been so royally mismanaged as to create as much confusion and panic as possible. Or perhaps that's actually the intention. Nobody's talking about the economy.

[GCW]

It's the usual thing.  People seem to think 'flu is a bit of a cough for a couple of days.
Anyone that's had 'flu will tell you it's a bit worse than that, knocking you for six for a week or two.

When you think that Swine Flu is suspected if you have:
1.  A fever
2.  Any of these:  cough, muscle ache, joint pain, headache, runny nose, blocked nose, vomiting, diarrhoea

any summer cold etc will be treated as SF.

And then there's the safety of the vaccine 

[dave]

I heard last week that the govt had advised that pregnant women should try to stay indoors and avoid bus or crowded places if they were worried about swing flu. But apparently if they're not worried then its OK to go in crowded places. What kind of fucking bollocks contradictory advice is that? Why don't they advise we all hang a bunch of garlic on our doorframes and burn a few virgins to avoid catching it. That and the standard precautionary bloodletting and smoking leaches and we should be fine. If in doubt consult your barber.

[Jaspersharpe]

And then there's the safety of the vaccine 

I've read some serious horror stories about the "vaccine" and absolutely nothing good despite trying to get a bit of balance on the subject. At best it would appear to be useless and at worst a very dangerous exercise in exploitation and profiteering by the pharma companies and those taking backhanders at the WHO etc.

I heard last week that the govt had advised that pregnant women should try to stay indoors and avoid bus or crowded places if they were worried about swing flu. But apparently if they're not worried then its OK to go in crowded places. What kind of fucking bollocks contradictory advice is that? Why don't they advise we all hang a bunch of garlic on our doorframes and burn a few virgins to avoid catching it. That and the standard precautionary bloodletting and smoking leaches and we should be fine. If in doubt consult your barber.

Exactly. The "advice" could not be more vague and contradictory if it were meant to be.

[slackline]

It's the usual thing.  People seem to think 'flu is a bit of a cough for a couple of days.
Anyone that's had 'flu will tell you it's a bit worse than that, knocking you for six for a week or two.

Yeah, I had a really nasty bout of flu over xmas 2007, came on on xmas eve sat in front of the TV I just started shivering and sweating watching Pans Labyrinth.  Unfortunately I had to stay up as I had the neighbours only front door key which I'd borrowed off of himas my fuckwit of a brother had left it in his house when he passed out on the floor the night before.

Anyway, I had a riot of a xmas break that week spent between bed, the sofa and the porcelain throne.  Bedding needed changing virtually every day due to the horrible amounts of sweat from the fever and I ate a total of two oranges and a bowl of soup all week (and drank a lot of lucozade to keep energy levels up).  Just when I thought I was getting better I contracted a nasty chest infection which required a trip to A&E and my first ever ECG.  I was sent packing with a heavy course of antibiotics (400mg tablets three times a day or something) and stayed in bed for another week.

The only positive thing was that I didn't smoke for the two/three weeks I was feeling like shit  

Anyone who can physically make it into work and is claiming to have Flu is a hypochondriac.

There was discussion on Swine Flu Vaccine on Material World last night, sounds like its being rushed out pretty damn quick, you wouldn't normally get drugs rolled out so quickly

[tomtom]

The problem now is that the symptoms are so vague, anyone can be "diagnosed" as having Swine Flu.  I suspect a fair proportion of people haven't got it, but are being treated presumptively.

My folks were the opposite I suspect.. They both had a mild(ish) fever, dad was a bit sick, mum had cold symptoms (sore throat). Both described feeling really wacked out for a week or so. They didnt bother going to the doctors, or phoning up NHS (they figured it was too late for any Tamiflu for them anyway by then) and just got on with being poorly! They're not 100% it was H1N1, but a good friend of my mum (a bridge partner... oh to be 70..) was diagnosed with H1N1 so they figure that could have been the link.

Theres a fair bit of comment that people will pre-emtively phone up and self diagnose to get the Tamiflu, but lets not forget that a large chunk of people just wont bother and will get on with life...

I'm just debating whether or not they are still infectious, as I quite fancy a play around Kentmere on Sunday and as they are Kendal based it'd be rude not to visit if I were up there...    Any knowledge on this GCW? (on time people are still infectious, not Kentmere!!)

[GCW]

Incubation is supposed to be 24 hours, infectivity whilst symptoms are ongoing.  Maybe.

EDIT:  Symptoms, as in fevers and significant other stuff- not just a persistent cough etc.

[tomtom]

Yeah, I had a really nasty bout over xmas 2007, came on on xmas eve sat in front of the TV I just started shivering and sweating watching Pans Labyrinth.  

Was it that bad??

 

I had bad 'flu last Xmas too.. 3 days in bed - strong fever for 3-4 days, some crazy dreams/hallucinations... including one where I got up and sat looking at a teaspoon on the bedside table contemplating scooping my eyes out as it felt like they were pressing hard into my head. Crazy shit..

[tomtom]

Incubation is supposed to be 24 hours, infectivity whilst symptoms are ongoing.  Maybe.

EDIT:  Symptoms, as in fevers and significant other stuff- not just a persistent cough etc.

Thanks for that - so if I spoke to them on Tues and they thought they were well over the worst (about a week in)... then safe to visit this WE?

Hey - does this mean you can put this down as extra time taken to deal with H1N1?

[GCW]

Hey - does this mean you can put this down as extra time taken to deal with H1N1?

Swine Flu can fuck off


You should be fine to go now, just make sure you insert a pineapple in your rectum before you go.  yeah, it'll be a bit uncomfortable when you're sat on your parent's sofa, but it's the only proven preventative measure.  There's no evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.

[Jaspersharpe]

But if you're worried about pineapples then stay indoors with the curtains shut.

[GCW]

Jas, don't start a panic about Pineapple Instigated Systemic Sclerosing Ectopic Disorder Of Fundibulating Folliculitis, it's bad enough with Swine Flu.

[slackline]

Yeah, I had a really nasty bout over xmas 2007, came on on xmas eve sat in front of the TV I just started shivering and sweating watching Pans Labyrinth.  

Was it that bad??

 

Yeah, I was terrified   

[Jaspersharpe]

Jas, don't start a panic about Pineapple Instigated Systemic Sclerosing Ectopic Disorder Of Fundibulating Folliculitis, it's bad enough with Swine Flu.

Sorry. That should have read:

But if you're worried about pineapples then stay indoors with the curtains your arse cheeks shut.

Just to clarify government policy on the issue. I wouldn't want to confuse people or be accused of scaremongering.

Anyway a vaccine is being developed by Novarsetis which is guaranteed to reduce the size of pineapples by up to 80%* and make them much less spiky** and stuff***. It will be ready next week for compulsory voluntary use by anyone who complains that they don't want it.

* Probably.
** This is yet to be clarified.
*** So far only 50% of subjects in clinical trials have died.

[GCW]

I heard there was only one place in Europe producing the vaccine and it had been hit by protesters, namely Pro-Pineapple Choice Group, so vaccines were likely to be delayed.
It has been recommended that people worried about rectal pineapples can reduce the risks by inserting a lightly greased avacado, although this cannot be guarunteed to provide complete immunity.  This technique offers no protection from Swine Flu, so in many ways you may be better risking the pineapple route.

If you are worried about pineapples and happen to meet someone in the street who comes up to you and says "you've dropped something, mate" do not bend over without first checking around for phantom pineapple inserters, since Gordon Brown has OKd a policy of compulsory pineapple prevention program for the management of swine flu.

[Jaspersharpe]

I think that clears things up nicely. Well done GCW.

Just heard on the radio that the swine flu website crashed shortly after it went live, the original thinking being that they were inundated with people desperate to check their symptoms. However they've found out that most people who logged on only completed a very small part of the questionnaire and were probably just logging on "for a look". Are these the same idiots calling the hotline with made up symptoms in a bid to stockpile Tamiflu?

F, F and indeed S. 

[meatball]

maybe a little of topic, but what happened to bird flu? just seemed to vanish

[tomtom]

Hey - does this mean you can put this down as extra time taken to deal with H1N1?

Swine Flu can fuck off


You should be fine to go now, just make sure you insert a pineapple in your rectum before you go.  yeah, it'll be a bit uncomfortable when you're sat on your parent's sofa, but it's the only proven preventative measure.  There's no evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.

 

Funny you should mention that, but I was planning to go bouldering with a rectally mounted pineapple in order to provide extra motivation not to fail on the sit squat starts. Unfortunately, word has rapidly got around the dusty streets of 'ull and theres not a pineapple to be seen... though a bloke in the pub said he could do me a special offer on some Tamiflu and a pawpaw...

Would tinned work?

[cofe]

saw on Andy Kirkpatrick's twitter that he's got/had it.

[tomtom]

I'm at work.
Everything goes through a cache...

I dare not enter the words 'pineapple' and 'rectum' in the image search of google....

 

[webbo]

as we've got a couple of people off with swine flu and i started with throat infection last week i did the honerable thing and didn't show for work for a couple of days.however thats all it was a throat infection.
we have an alert system now in the n.h.s. called flucon which i think is designed on the terrorist alert system.which just seems to be a list of stages of how the service is gradually going into melt down.

[slackline]

I may well have posted this before, but its worth telling to show how fucking stupid some of the managers at my work are.

Despite the fact that the government decided to send out a mail shot a month or so ago of a pamphlet detailing symptoms and courses of action pertaining to swine flu to each and every household in the UK, some idiot here at work decided that we wouldn't read this informative piece of literature that dropped onto our doormat.

So they decided to take a copy of said pamphlet and send it round everyone in the office to tick off to say that we'd read it!!!

What a perfect vector for transmitting a virus!!!

The irony is that I presently work for a body that is "annexed" to a Publich Health Observatory!!!  Management are a bunch of fuckwits!!!