[Yossarian]

Has anyone got any good intel re cottages in the Peak that I might be able to rent out just after Xmas?

I have found a few places that look rather nice, but I'm sure someone on here will have a / some bright ideas.

Requirements are: room for two, walking distance from a half decent pub, roof.

If it has a well-stocked cellar and a Michael Hutchence-style auto-asphyxiation device then so much the better...

[tommytwotone]

If it's a romantic countryfied vibe that you're after, these guys are good (link direct to their one bedroomers as weirdly their homepage won't work):

http://www.peakcottages.com/cottage-search-results.asp_Q_bedrooms_E_1_A_frommenu_E_1_A_Page_E_1

Ex-Mrs-Tone and myself had lovely stays at The Old Vicarage in Curbar and Rose Cottage in Eyam.

Hope that's useful for you chief.

[St Hubbins]

and a Michael Hutchence-style auto-asphyxiation device then so much the better...

Thats more of a bring-your-own thing surely? Same as when you take your own nails to tap into a wooden stall so you can place an E on it and 'shelve' it before a night out

[Yossarian]

of course, but i'm really bad at packing.

i once went all the way to sao paolo, sat back with a beer, and then realised that my fisting equipment was still sitting on the kitchen table back home. trip ruined...

[Eddies]

You left your fist on the kitchen table!?

[Jim]

never leave home without a rubber fist.....

[slackline]

never leave home without a rubber fist.....

Or a large marrow

[Yossarian]

not my fist, no.

i had prepared a collection of surgical retractors, lubrication applicators and even a fist-mounted endoscope. 

i love making holiday movies...

[Jim]

What do you use lubrication for?
Surely that takes all the fun out of it

[Yossarian]

that's so i can retrieve my fist afterwards.

i remember one time i was fisting some lucky young lady. i think we were on the london eye. anyway, this irritating little pleb kept on tut-tutting.  after a while i lost my temper. "come over here and tut at my face", i cried, "and i'll knock your block off". so he came over and said, "tut tut". "right, you asked for it!" i replied, and attempted to take a swing at him. but my fist was stuck, and all i succeeded in doing was to knock the poor girl onto the floor. which caused me to lose my own footing and fall over too. plunging my fist yet deeper into the young lady.  the pleb then punched me hard on the nose, just as my companion erupted with orgasmic delight.

it was quite a day, i can tell you...

[Yossarian]

all booked and i'm ready to my otherworldly* strength on a lot of rocks...




* - a world where it's fashionable to cultivate an entirely unmuscular physique, and the idea of training and indeed exercise in general is scoffed at with a combination of caustic derision and sanctimony...