[rodma]

I'm afraid it's like any savings advice, you either gamble with the type of fund you describe, or go for a reasonably high interest bank account. We did the latter but have never tinkered with the stock market.

I believe the best future you can give your offspring is to lead by example, if they experience their parents being wise they are more likely to do the same. In saying that we have stuck a reasonable amount away for the wee guy that would have paid off some mortgage.

It's a very personal decision.

My folks had a fund for my sister, but nothing for me, we're in comparable situations now, despite (i guess, maybe because) the differing approach 

[tomtom]

I figured this was a good investment for our nipper

[tommytwotone]

So the latest bump in the road...as we're at a total loss on this thought I'd see if anyone had any ideas!


So Una (3.5 years old now) was relatively easy to potty train, as of about 6 months ago completely out of nappies, no accidents, going on potty (and then toilet on booster seat). She was also pretty good at getting up in the evening to use the loo if needed, though it was a rarity. We kept her in a pull-up at night, but had a few weeks of them being totally dry in the morning, so were discussing whether to do away with them completely.


However...


In the last month or so she's totally regressed - she started getting the potty back out during the day (they were still in the downstairs loo, I've since put them away in the shed) and wanted to use it rather than going to the loo, and every night her pull-up is drenched so she's clearly been weeing in it during the night, and a few times she's pooed in it as well. We've also had a couple of accidents (both types) during the daytime too.


To be fair to her, there's been a lot of change recently - arrival of little brother 5 months ago, she also changed nurseries about the same time (but this all pre-dates this regression by a while). I can't think of anything in the last month or so that has significantly changed in our lifestyle that would cause this.


We thought we'd cracked it, but clearly not. Anyone else experienced this? Just a phase?


Any help appreciated as we literally have no idea what to do...

[Muenchener]

To be fair to her, there's been a lot of change recently - arrival of little brother 5 months ago, she also changed nurseries about the same time (but this all pre-dates this regression by a while). I can't think of anything in the last month or so that has significantly changed in our lifestyle that would cause this.

Frankly if I were Una I think I'd find those changes quite significant enough, especially the appearance of The Rival for mum & dad's attention. So it could just be stress bringing about a weakening in newly acquired habits that require willpower & mental effort to maintain. Or a reversion - conscious or otherwise - to the good old days. Or an attempt  - conscious or otherwise - to re-claim a larger share of mum & dad's attention.

Source: not a child psychologist, but do have some experience of being a parent (and, less recently, a small child)

[Oldmanmatt]

Look, you can't stress about it.

I know because we have and it made no odds.

Of the four kids, our youngest are both 8 now and one is still in pull-ups at night. She can be dry for weeks and then wet the bed several nights in a row and not wake up or notice. We tried waking her an hour after putting her to bed and marching her off to the loo, for several weeks; it just , made her evil and overtired the next day.
We went to the doctor.
It takes many visits to get a referral to a specialist, we still don't have one. First it was "come back if she's still doing it at six years", then it was "give it a little more time, she's small for her age" and now it's "she'll have to see the School nurse for a referral ".
We went to the school nurse (who is more like a District nurse and not at a school at all), who proceeded to tell her off, harshly and lectured her Mum on discipline and how "you should make her change and clean her own sheets, then she'll learn how difficult she's being".

Yep, she actually said that.
A rather stupid old lady who should have retired, as the next GP we saw described her. However, we have to go back through the system again and request a different nurse, apparently...

The one thing that came out of our worries, that frankly shocked us, was opening up to other parents, of children in the same classes as ours.
Of the 40 kids that represents, 12 are having the same issues. 12 eight year olds still wearing pull-ups at night!
And then we started to hear from parents who had themselves had issues well into their teens.
The next thing we know, there's a facebook group formed and it turns out that it's an incredibly common thing.

Now we know it's not the end of the world, she goes off to Camp with the Navigators and takes pull-ups and doesn't get bullied, because we opened up about it and found many others hiding it. All of us trying to protect our kids from the bullies and dreading those first school residentials or Scout/Navigator camps or Sleep overs etc. and we didn't have to. It's normal (for a given value of normal).

At 3.5?

Nah. Not a problem.
If there is one thing we've come to realise, they are all different, develop at different paces, in different directions and us worrying over it makes slightly less than the square root of FA difference; except that it stresses both us and them.
 

[nik at work]

Wot Matt sed
Nuffink to add

[Will Hunt]

We went to the school nurse (who is more like a District nurse and not at a school at all), who proceeded to tell her off, harshly and lectured her Mum on discipline and how "you should make her change and clean her own sheets, then she'll learn how difficult she's being".

Fucking hell. What happened when you asked her for a second helping of gruel?

[Oldmanmatt]

We went to the school nurse (who is more like a District nurse and not at a school at all), who proceeded to tell her off, harshly and lectured her Mum on discipline and how "you should make her change and clean her own sheets, then she'll learn how difficult she's being".

Fucking hell. What happened when you asked her for a second helping of gruel?

It wasn't pretty (and neither was she):

[T_B]

I wouldn't stress it but you could try 10 x stickers for £2 to spend on plastic tat at Tesco for 10 x dry pull ups.

Cheaper than buying pull ups.

[SA Chris]

I'd also chalk it up to regression due to new arrival.

Stress of change with new arrival, attention seeking, any of the above.

As has been said on here before, good or bad it's just a phase.

[SA Chris]

PS, as a separate dad related YYFY, just paid last ever nursery fees.

Counting the cost of having both of them in full time makes me feel a bit ill.

[tommytwotone]

Thanks all, if only for the reassurance.


Once we'd got both of the kids off to bed last night we got a chance to draw breath, talk it through and in the cold light of day I think we know what to do about it.


That seems to be the problem with these kinds of stressful situations (in the last few months we've had to contend with a vomiting bug, chickenpox, a fall down the length of our stairs and into the radiator at the bottom, and now this!), getting the distance from it when it's happening to make a measured decision, and that had been exacerbated by having another one!


And Chris - nice one on being free of the fees!

[galpinos]

I'll add my penny to the "don't stress, it's just a phase" hat.

My eldest did something similar, we just put her back in pull-ups for half a year until she'd got used to the general life changes. Shes fine now, though still uses a "bay voice" when she thinks our youngest is getting too much attention.

[tomtom]

Stairgates.
TT jnr has today learnt how to go up stairs... any recommendations or all they all much of a muchness?

[Nutty]

Depends on the layout of your stairs/hall/landing - one that fits! I'd avoid the pressure mounted ones which have a bar across the bottom as it can be a trip hazard. I think it's recommended to have one that you screw the brackets to wall at the top of the stairs anyway.

[Simon W]

Also be aware that you might need an extra high gate at the top of the stairs depending on layout. I'm in a standard Shef terraced which has a step to the left and right of the stair top so if you put a standard gate in at the top your kids can climb over if standing on that step. A mate's kid broke his leg by doing this and taking a tumble last year. We got an extra high gate which you could alter to fit a variety of widths. Was an arse to fit as each of the four points where it attached were different, ie wall, bannister, skirting board etc.......

[Nutty]

Also be aware that you might need an extra high gate at the top of the stairs depending on layout. I'm in a standard Shef terraced which has a step to the left and right of the stair top so if you put a standard gate in at the top your kids can climb over if standing on that step. A mate's kid broke his leg by doing this and taking a tumble last year. We got an extra high gate which you could alter to fit a variety of widths. Was an arse to fit as each of the four points where it attached were different, ie wall, bannister, skirting board etc.......

Yes, we had the same issue in that we've a step up to the right at the top of the flight of stairs. We couldn't find a gate that would actually fit as our newel post at the top of the stairs is turned so only has a flat section at the top and bottom to mount the stair gate. I ended up getting a wooden gate and modifying it by attaching ~25cm of 18mm ply to the bottom.

[dave]

We had a few places in our terrace where the position of doorframes/architraves/skirting boards were problematic and ended up padding a few out with thin blocks of wood. Some longer screws and better wall plug are also handy as these gates can tend to wobble themselves out of the walls with constant use, especially if you're fitting into 100-year old walls.

[tommytwotone]

We have an old terrace too, but with only one turn at the top (so you go up and there's a step turning a right angle right if that makes sense).


We've always been of the opinion that we shouldn't baby-proof. Never had a stair gate, using the theory that the worst that would happen if she did go down them, at least she'd be careful in the future.


All been fine until about a month ago when she took the full E8 whipper right from the top, followed by Jean-Mihn Trin-Thieu-ing herself head first into the radiator at the bottom of the stairs. She was fine/lucky though, bit of an egg on her swede and a bruised ego but to be fair she is a lot more careful now!

[galpinos]

We just have one on the top. We got it for our eldest and just left it. The main reason is they are both daft and the chance of them taking a tumble (steep terrace stairs with a cupboard to hit at the bottom) whilst cracking out some dance moves on the landing is pretty high.

We had a non-baby proof plan originally but there are only so many trip to A&E one can cope with......

[Jim]

Stair gate was the only baby proofing we did and absolutely no issues at all. Ours was one with the bar across the bottom and like someone said was a bit of a trip hazard but we only had stair gate at the bottom

[Will Hunt]

One set of brother and sister in-laws went down the no stairgate route. The thinking is that if you have a stairgate then they don't learn to use stairs properly. My wife was quite keen on this idea but, having learnt that the leading cause of death and serious injury in 0-4 year olds is falling down the stairs (I think it switches to being knocked down on the roads when they hit 5), I'm no longer convinced. They might learn how to get down the stairs, but it doesn't take much to distract a 2 year old and take their focus off the task in hand.

[tommytwotone]

I'd be surprised if garden trampolines weren't #2 on that list then!


We are quite lucky in that we have a door in the living room between that and the stairs - and up until recently she hasn't been tall enough (thanks Dad genes) to be able to open it, plus most of time if she's upstairs one of us would be with her.


My other beef with stair gates from other peoples' that I've seen is that normally the toddlers have worked out long ago how to just open them anyway, and it's visiting adults that can't fathom out how to get past the "child proof" gate!

[Oldmanmatt]

One set of brother and sister in-laws went down the no stairgate route. The thinking is that if you have a stairgate then they don't learn to use stairs properly. My wife was quite keen on this idea but, having learnt that the leading cause of death and serious injury in 0-4 year olds is falling down the stairs (I think it switches to being knocked down on the roads when they hit 5), I'm no longer convinced. They might learn how to get down the stairs, but it doesn't take much to distract a 2 year old and take their focus off the task in hand.

Someone once said to me, about all aspects of child development; "can you imagine that child (Z) will not be able to do (X) by age (Y)?"
In this case, "not learning to use stairs" seems a bit trite. Could you imagine that by age (say) 4, they would not be able to use  stairs? I'd worry at that point, but mitigate the risk until then.
Also, if they're smart enough to open the gate, stairs shouldn't still be a issue, but perhaps you need to ensure they're not too advanced on their plans for world domination....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SA Chris]

I'd be surprised if garden trampolines weren't #2 on that list then!

I though they were #1 cause of A & E visits.