Certification of ancient Zaffar Ali news

[PATRuL]

COuld anyone tell me who this mysterious Zaff Ali is or wos?
From what my sources tell me he climbed the hardest problem on the grit almost 20 years ago - Western Eyes 7c+
Obviously a major effort when pads did not exist and it took years for Moony to muscle his way up.
What are this mysterious Ali's super training techniques?
Where is he from?
I heard he came up the river on a canoo, certainly a mystery being.
I also heard he was taught by a member of The POlice.
Does this mean he sings his way up routes?
Recalling a tiny old OTE magazine picture MR Ali (related to Muhammed?) was reported to have scabbled his way all the way up Gaia.
 On HIs first attempt I believe he was belayed by UPtownguru and Bonjoy on to get stuck, so in their infinite compassion threw him down a rope.
Mr Ali is reported to have been so stuck that he could not move a limb and so was left with no option other than to bite the rescue rope.
Did he then swallow it?
THis chap is clearly a myth.  I suspect he could be related to bin Laden himself. 
Here's the punch line ...
Where's bin Laden bin hiding?
He's barracked in behind a bush Bush.

[slack---line]

I know Zaff and have been climbing with him a bit this year, might be heading out tomorrow.  He's definitely climbed Gaia (although I didn't witness the ascent, its what he recounted to me).  Can't say what his training techniques were/are, but he can hang slopers I can't pull on (but hates jamming  ).  Can't remember where he's from originally, but English isn't is first language (not that you'd know it when chatting with him these days).

He's a yoga instructor too, runs classes on Monday.

Really nice guy, very encouraging and humble of his own achievements.

What exactly do you want to know about him beyond training techniques and where he's from?

Spend some time round the eastern grit crags and you'll almost definitely come across him.

[Bubba]

He stole my drink at Norton Sharley's birthday party.

[jonjon]

Thinking of adding a Zaff Ali circuit to the next bouldering guide - it could  finish with stealing a drink from Norton Sharley himself - now that would be a tick.

[PATRuL]

Thank you for this information, I'm interested in all those mysterious characters within climbing, such as Chris Plant, Zippy (is it true he was on Rainbow?) and that other awesome dude John Gaskins.  I once saw him at The Snor just after he'd finished trying McClure's new project Brandenberg Gate or whatever its called.  I've never seen such an enlightened climber in all my life, he was fully alive, if youz know what I mean - radiating.  Is this Ali chap in this league?
I recently met an old teaching companion of Pete Livesy's and he certainly had some interesting stories.  SUch as having no curtains in his home. Is it true he is now dead?  What happened to him?
I'm interested in juicy gossip (which comes from the word to take a sip of God, hence god sip) which is more or less verifiable by honorable sources.
THis could certainly be an interesting 'news' thread.
I've not read the Moffat bio, but I heard its a bit boring and doesn't really get to the juice - Crikey we all know he had/has a huge ego.  What pissed me off is when he denied going to school and climbing with a good friend of mine Tim Raper.  Pity I couldn't tell you why that is.  Anyway Mr MOffot did give me a fantastic ride home from the Snor that day, certainly one to remember.

[slack---line]

Caught up with Zaff this afternoon at Curbar, mentioned you were enquiring after him.  He doesn't know any PATRul, but has a suspicion he knows who you are and that its not been long since you both caught up.

[PATRuL]

Well that's hook line and sinker
Well done Slackline
By the way that gas mask look works for you

[PATRuL]

Furthermore I'd like to express that mr ali is no doubt verging on the legend status.
I'd like to apologise for the use of the word 'ledg' and replace it with the word genius.
In the Dagara tribe of Ghana every child who is born is automatically a granted genius status.
This practice is common throughout the continent of Africa, unlike in the west where genius status has to be proven.
Does this not show a glaring gap in the psyche of western culture?
Zaff's naming of the line 'Western Eyes' is further proof of his understanding of the nature of being.  Though in my mind he's not quite there yet.
Clearly what he needs is a break from this culture and a bit of a sun tan.
I mean he's turning into the Michael Jackson of Uk climbing, though i could not verify if he's had the op.

When Mr Ali tore the Sheffield climbing scene apart, he was never accorded the rank his achievements merited.
It's high time he came out of his cave and fluffed himself up!
SO if you should see Zaff at the crag today be sure to pat him on the back and then tell him he owes me £2000.

[PATRuL]

FUrthermore whart's he ever done on the white stuff?
I've heard he couldn't even open a tin of sardines.
And as for Kim what's he ever done?
There's wasted climbing talent if ever its gone missing.
I could show Andy Brown a thing or two.
What happened to him?
Popped a pulley doing a one finger pull up pissed!
Thats probably the daftest thing he ever did and he's quite bright!

[slack---line]

 

[PATRuL]

What i find particularly amusing is the lack of discourse when a challenge is laid down!
Who was it who ran away to Allahbad and did not have the balls to take me back to dear old Blighty when I begged him?

I'm not here for fooling around no matter what anyone says.

[fatneck]

Tenderly written and laden with meant words, yet completely nuts?
Can't decide whether it warrants a wad or a punt...

[Houdini]

Tenderly written and bin laden with meant words, yet completely nuts?
Can't decide whether it warrants a wad or a punt...

fixed 

PATrul owns.

[PATRuL]

I wish i owned a new laptop!

[PATRuL]

I Tell you what middle brother i'll settle for a new pair of climbing shoes, that ought to even the score for now.
The necklace will be for CHristmas and i'll be in INdia with Kalidas!
YOurs sincerely, Govindas.

[Jaspersharpe]

From what my sources tell me he climbed the hardest problem on the grit almost 20 years ago - Western Eyes 7c+

20 years ago Zaff was a fat punter climbing on the sandstone with me. He improved remarkably after a few years in Sheffield as you well know. Get your facts straight before you go fishing Yan you fucking wind up merchant.

 

[Norton Sharley]

Thinking of adding a Zaff Ali circuit to the next bouldering guide - it could  finish with stealing a drink from Norton Sharley himself - now that would be a tick.

Err, excuse me?  I'll have you know I'm a very generous person.  No, really.